Relationship Q&A: Being Single, Dating, Knowing Your Self-Worth

November 17, 2021

Are you comfortable with where you are in life, or do you sometimes feel lost, lonely, and unsure about who you are? Fel and Ro did a YouTube live on Wednesday putting on their skincare and makeup while answering the questions you guys sent in about friendships and relationships!

Don’t worry if you don’t have the time to watch the whole video! Here are some nuggets of wisdom from Fel and Ro that I jotted down for you to read through and ponder over anytime you want 🙂

Q: What are your thoughts on staying single/ not wanting a relationship?

Ro: “When my last serious relationship ended around 2014/ 2015, I was like, ‘Okay, I’ve spent all of these years in back-to-back relationships. Now I just want to stay single; I just want to work on myself.’ Because I realized even though I relatively liked the person who I was when I was in a relationship, I didn’t know who I was NOT in a relationship.”

“I wanted to spend the time working on myself and getting to know myself so that eventually when I meet my next person, I’ll be whole and I wouldn’t be relying on him for my happiness because I think that’s what I used to do. So I was very single… single and not looking, for at least five solid years, and then I met my current boyfriend. So I think as long as we know our true intentions, we know WHY we want to be single, and we’re comfortable, it’s totally fine!”

Fel: “I think it also relates to where you are in life. If you’re focusing on your project or your school, sometimes you just don’t have time to focus on other people when you’re still trying to build yourself. And it really depends on the person, too. I think when you meet someone and you feel like they fit into your life, or if there are issues but you feel like you’re very excited to solve them with this person, then maybe it’ll naturally progress that way.”

“I personally love being by myself to a fault. Sometimes it can also rub people off the wrong way and they think I hate them, but I really just like spending time with myself. And I think for me when I meet that person, it won’t feel intrusive of the time that I have to me; it’ll be part of that.”

Q: Do you guys date to marry or just date for the sake of dating?

Fel: “That’s a great question. Long and short answers are exactly the same. Yes, we date to marry. It does not bring me joy to just date around.”

“I know maybe more extroverted people are more open. Like I have a friend who will meet new guys and just kind of get to know them and walk out of there being totally open with it potentially not going right but still be a friend. Whereas I would only actively go on a date knowing that I already kind of have interests.”

Ro: “Yeah, I think when we get older, we only have such limited time for ourselves that if I’m going to introduce a brand new person into my life, I want to make sure I see long-term with this person. Again, it comes down to communication, just being straightforward about it like, “This is what I’m looking for, are you down or not?” Some people might not be able to accept it, but I think it’s good to be upfront about what you want.”

Q: What is your philosophy in romantic relationships?

Ro: “Okay, so this is the best analogy I can think of. I think before when I was younger, I wanted my person to be my world, but now that I’ve gotten older, soul-searched, and reconnected with myself, it’s like I have my own world, he has his own world, and our worlds can come together. A big part of it will probably overlap like a Venn diagram, but you still need your own world – whether it’s your friends, your work, your family, your own hobbies and interests, your values – I think it’s important to be grounded in that.”

“I talk about this a lot on my channel, so some of you might have heard about this, but it’s from a business book called ‘Good to Great.’ Two mediocre companies cannot come together and form a great company. But if you have two great companies coming together, they’ll make a FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC company!”

“And this comes at the premise of what we were saying earlier of I didn’t mind being single for that long because as I continue to work on myself to be that great company, I have faith and I trust that my future partner is also out there working on himself, being his best self and creating his great company, so that when we come together, it’s good vibes good times!”

Q: How do you stop idolizing your spouse in order to be more realistic in a relationship?

Ro: “In my previous relationship, so much of my self-worth was tied to this person that I probably accepted things that I shouldn’t have in a relationship. I let a lot of things slide because I valued people’s perception of us together more.”

“What actually really helped me was learning to see people as human. It doesn’t matter what your life circumstances are, or how you look, everyone has their pains, suffering, insecurities, and sets of problems that they’re dealing with. It helped me realize that it’s fine for me to feel a certain way and that there’s no point in putting people on pedestals because we’re all humans.”

Fel: “Yeah. I think the question really is, ‘Do you know your self-worth?’ Because I think putting someone on a pedestal is when you think they’re higher or better than you. What you can do is to build yourself up to even that playing field; you offer just as much as they offer you; if you take that away, you still have 100% of what you need.”

“It takes a process – some people go through hard times and some people don’t. But you gotta believe that. You gotta wholeheartedly believe you have everything within you to stop idolizing in general.”

There are many more interesting and thought-provoking questions in the LIVE, so feel free to watch it if you’re intrigued. And we’ve marked the timestamp for you in the description, so you can go to whichever part catches your eye!